You Have Hit a Wall

Yesterday I hit a wall. I've been kind of slowing down on this downsizing process for a while now and oddly enough it isn't because of the stuff or the attachment to it, it was stress in other parts of our life.

When I was a child I remember reading Pilgrim's Progress and the visual in my head of this traveler carrying these heavy burdens on a journey has stayed with me -- and that's the vision in my head when I think of where my husband and I are in life right now. We're trying so hard to climb these mountains, but what we're carrying is heavy and feels insurmountable at times. Yesterday was one of them.

Some days I am all positive. I've got a can do it attitude and I'm ready to get to work to make a plan, or execute a plan we've made, work hard towards whatever goal we're working towards. But then some days I wake up and I can't see the light anymore. I don't see the progress and I'm not sure anything I've been doing is actually helping.

I hit a wall.

You're running so fast in every direction sometimes in life, frantic and out of control you allow your emotions to steer your decisions. You allow your emotions to tell you how to feel. If we let ourselves go into autopilot we will crash. It's not a maybe, it's a definite and a matter of when.

I hit a wall.

I wanted to break it down, but I am so tired I couldn't do anything but sit there and look at it. It looks too high to climb, too strong to break, and I'm too tired to even make a plan to tackle it.

Have you been there?

It isn't just that homeschooling mentally takes more than I have to give some days, being an introvert it's all I can do to survive 4 healthy loud rambunctious kids. It isn't just that our house is a mess and I am not organized and haven't done a great job keeping a regular routine for training my kids in good habits. It isn't just that financially it takes a miracle and work of God most months recently to carry us through. It isn't just that I'm obviously dealing with other health issues due to stress, hormone imbalances, digestive issues, and sheer exhaustion. It's all of it wrapped in a pretty bow. There is not one single area of our problems that is the problem, because any one of them on their own and we could tag team it. We could knock it out of the park. Even a couple of them would be easy for us, after our experiences in life, to stay the course and wipe it clean.

But there's only so much stress, frustration, and burden a human can carry before you hit a wall. 

What do you do when you hit a wall?

Yesterday I hit a wall and I moped. Yesterday I sat around and binge watched on Amazon. Yesterday I told my husband I couldn't see it anymore.

If you hit a wall, it's OK. If you're sitting there staring at this mountain in front of you and you don't believe anymore that you can do it anymore, rest. Take a breath. Take a day. Give yourself some time to turn around, look at where you've come from and where you're at.

This is one of the reasons why I feel like photos are so important in life. They give us eyes into the past. Sometimes they can feed disillusionment, but more times than not they let you remember how far you've come.

In minimizing I take photos to remind myself a year from now when I'm banging on that wall wondering why I'm stuck, I look at the photos and I remember that I've been running a marathon. It's natural to be exhausted. It's natural to look at your current state and think like most people do that this is the entirety of your journey, but it isn't. Two years ago my house looked like an episode of hoarders, maybe in some ways it still does, but I can physically see just how much heavy lifting I've been doing and I am allowed to sit down at this wall and reflect.

Rest, reflect, remember & respect yourself enough to say today I'm going to recharge. Tomorrow I'm going to figure it out, but for today I'm going to let it go.

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