Welcome to My Messy Life

Trying to decide how to grow this blog, create a YouTube channel, and grow an Instagram following and I came to this conclusion; My life is messy. It's not always attractive and definitely not always photo ready. I follow a ton of people on Instagram and YouTube and one thing is certain, they make everything look beautiful. I'm not sure I can do that in my house lol. And then there's me, I'm about as photographic as a construction site at this point in my life. Maybe I should just get real and be like, This is real life. This is as pretty as it gets on a day to day basis. It's a literal circus. Except I definitely couldn't get my kids to jump through hoops, maybe if they were flaming though, because danger seems to excite them.

How in the world do these people find a space in their life (or their whole house) to look perfect?! I can't even make one room in my house look like that at this point. It's not usually pretty. Sometimes doesn't look inviting. And definitely is always noisy, chaotic, and sometimes scary. But that's the reality of my life. I can't pretend it is something it isn't. I don't know how to use Photoshop and I'd have to spend a lot of time editing things out to make it look like those picture perfect minimalist always clean homes.

I could make a lot of excuses, but the truth is it is a daily struggle to keep myself above that line of failure. Last night I was just sure the day had been a complete waste so I quickly did the dishes so that I could feel like I'd actually accomplished something throughout the day.

What am I winning at? I kept my kids alive. We weren't hungry (although that had less to do with me and more to do with me training my kids to be self sufficient from young ages). I took care of a very clingy 1 year old (almost). And then made dinner and cleaned it up. That's what I won at yesterday. Amongst all the fails it sometimes looks like the scale is tipping against me.

I'm looking around my living room, the one room that I usually manage to actually manage and it's definitely "lived in". That's the life of a stay at home homeschooling mom of 4. The rest of the house isn't any better.

I'm not really sure I can go onto a channel and pretend I'm winning at anything in particular. I am not a great gardener, but I try and I want to be one. I can't sew, I can follow a recipe and sometimes inspiration hits to where I can "wing" a meal, I love to clean but rarely get the time to do it well enough for anyone to notice I did anything, and I don't wear make up (so good luck with me looking great on camera!) But I have great hopes and aspirations in so many categories in life! Does that sound like you?

Sometimes it feels like a wash. Like we should just pack everything up and move and start over fresh because I just almost feel like I've ruined this house, or it's ruined us lol. So many projects and so many reasons why they can't be finished.

Maybe the only thing I have to offer is my reality? Maybe this is reality for many other moms out there and they're all fighting the feeling of being a failure? Despite our best efforts life is messy. I'm not sure how other moms do it, maybe their brains work better at compartmentalizing and strategizing and organizing than mine does? Maybe they've just had a better start out of the gate and I've carried my failures with me to the point where they're now habits I have to consciously break.

I can't promise you pretty photos and neat DIY's that fit into a perfectly wrapped bow. Sometimes I'm not sure I can be successful at anything. You don't have to tell me it's a season, I already know it, that doesn't make it less frustrating for those of us that are perfectionists.

All I can say is, Welcome to my messy life!

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