There is no Logic in Debt

Some days I wake up and I am not sure I'm awake. It isn't just because I need coffee, although there is that, but some days I just really don't know what I'm doing. I feel detached from life in a weird surreal way. Not because it's so great I can't believe it's my life, but more along the lines of some days I just feel unsure anything I'm doing is making any difference. Did I make the right decision? Am I going in the right direction? Have I accomplished anything?

Pretty much in any moment the answer to those questions could be different so they're kind of pointless. I should be asking myself Am I going to win today? And I should always believe that it's going to be a yes. Whether it looks like I won or not, I'm going to win. That's the attitude we should force ourselves to keep.

We have to believe in ourselves. But more than that we have to believe in God. It's in every day life that the real challenge of being a foot soldier comes into play. Will you continue to be faithful in the small things everyday? Everyone falters now and again, but will you get back up and try again?

Some days I don't want to wake up or get out of bed. Some days I just want to cover my head up and go back to sleep because that feels easier. But if we've learned anything in life it's that good things are rarely easy to come by. And if they look easy to you it's probably because you don't know the true cost they had to pay.

Also, remember when you feel like this it's probably a form of burn out. I've been chugging along for like 2 years now consistently pushing myself towards minimalism. My husband even thinks I've become extreme in my thinking because I keep mentioning living in a camper and selling our house and paying off all our debt and trying to live cheaply enough to save up money and buy a property with cash. Because that's what I wanted to do in the first place. I have never been comfortable owing anyone money, not even a bank. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like I'm indebted to somebody. I hate knowing somebody has some form of leverage on me. You know? They always let you know someway that you owe them. You're never free to live your life until you pay them their money because they're staring down at you, at your lifestyle, at your expenses and judging how every penny comes through your hands.

It isn't that the idea of living in a camper thrills me, like that's the kind of life most people dream of, excepting it would be so easy to travel that way. It's that if that's how we can gain freedom from our circumstances for now, then I'm willing to explore that as a solution. Maybe that makes me weird. Maybe that makes me extreme. Or maybe that just makes me desperate to move this mountain in front of us.

If you want to change your life, you have to be willing to accept change, even if it isn't wrapped in a pretty package. When you're stuck you have to be willing to turn every which way to unstuck yourself. Willing is the key word. I'm not saying I would turn around and do this tomorrow if given the opportunity, but I am saying hat if God asks it of me I would say yes.

I cannot understand why it is more logical to live a life in debt (mortgages) than to live a life of simplicity that you can afford. Sure, we'd all probably be willing to live in a smaller house, but what if that house looked like a dump in comparison to the one you left behind? What if selling your beautiful house also led to your friends and family looking down on you and you losing that small piece of pride that made you feel worthy?

Why is it more logical to be in debt? Think about it. The whole world basically runs on deficits. Why? There is plenty of money to go around, so why is there so much debt? Because it has become the norm for people to be comfortable in hot water. They're comfortable with the idea of not ever owning something of their own. That's a harsh reality when you realize, you think you've bought a house, but what you've really bought is the right to someday own a house. The house belongs to the bank. You own the liability, the responsibility, and the right to live in it while you pay the bank. And in the meantime you can call it yours, but it isn't actually yours. It's a false reality. Sure, there's plenty of perks to buying a home. But there's even more perks to saving up your money and actually buying a home with cash when it will actually be yours. 

Here's this pill we're being told to swallow because everyone else is swallowing it, but in the meantime you're choking on it and didn't bother to notice most people are choking on it.

Also, you're playing the game by their rules. Every time you borrow someone else's money they get to decide the rules and you have to play by them. Now a huge part of your life, your future, is in control by somebody else or some faceless corporation that really doesn't care about you or your problems. They don't care that you have a family and you're just trying to survive. Why would you give them that kind of control?

Everyone needs help sometimes. I get it. Bad things happen and maybe you don't have a community that can help, we didn't either. We got back into debt because we didn't have any other options when things started going south. As badly as I hated to be put in that position again it was that or go back to work and 1. I had just had a baby and 2. I had just quit and 3. I'm fairly certain I had some mild form of PTSD from working in retail (and I'm not joking) and was suffering from panic attacks, anxiety, and nightmares over even thinking of having to go back to it. Also, I had 3 kids. At what point is it worth it to lose half their life working away from them, sacrifice your parental morals by being forced to put them into daycare (which would also not financially be worth it in the end) and the public school system? You do sometimes have to choose the best choice out of all crappy options.

But there is no logic in debt. It might seem crazy to you when I say I'd like to sell all my possessions and live in a camper, but to me living a life in debt seems crazy. The whole idea of debt seems crazy. Being comfortable being in debt is even more crazy.

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