Mouth of the Fool

I've been feeling very conflicted lately about my choice of words. The way you word or phrase something can have such a world of difference. The things you choose to say or choose to leave out can impact an entire point of view.

My husband, like most Daddy's, has a job outside of the home so he's often away for most of the day and therefore the raising of the children is mostly my responsibility for a substantial part of time. In my effort to maintain communication with him and keep him apprised of the things going on with each child I would report to him some of the more troubling things that happened (if they did) through out the day.

I thought, foolishly, this was somehow my duty to keep him in the loop on things. Now maybe in your marriage and parenthood this works for you, but I am here to tell you it is not working for us. I never would have ever realized these "reports" to him when he came home only served to put kindling in the fire up until recently. It was a like a light bulb moment, had to of been God. I stood there and asked myself, what good am I doing? Does he really need to know how they failed today? What is serious enough that I should report it to their dad so that they can basically be punished twice? Once by my disappointment and twice by their father's?

Words are so powerful. Without even thinking of the consequences we so often throw them around. That is something I struggle with and am working hard on. One of the songs I identify with the most is John Mayer's My Stupid Mouth. Every time, without fail when I catch myself in trouble again that one line in the song starts playing in my head. It's almost become like a reality TV show where I break into song.

Good intentions. They mostly stink. I thought I was doing the wifely thing by keeping my husband informed about the challenges we're facing, but the thing is the challenges I face when he's not here are different than the challenges he faces once he gets home. 

And I'm not really sure God would agree that repeating offenses is useful. 

The relationship with your father can be so fragile sometimes and anything I can do to foster a good relationship is so valuable. 

I also admit that it's lonely being home all day and sometimes you just want to unload your frustrations on the next willing ear. But then I realize now by doing that mostly all my husband ever hears about my children are their failures. I haven't been highlighting what a help they can be. 

It is hard to be a mom for many reasons, but the worst one is that we are in the thick of it all day long and sometimes for months or years at a time without much reprieve so we become almost immune to seeing what is right in front of us daily. It's routine. It's something you've come to expect. But this is my children's life they're living the same time I am and it isn't kind that I've been putting on a highlight reel of their mistakes to one of the most important people they are obsessed with pleasing. I've literally made it a no win situation by opening my mouth when it wasn't necessary. 

The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. I've been literally gushing folly and boy do I feel a fool.  

But it isn't just the tongue that is the issue, is it? It's my eyes as well. I haven't been really looking at my children through fresh eyes. I've been looking at them through tired, worn out, need a little bit of silence, can I just get something accomplished eyes. The eyes of a mother that sometimes just feels like a maid, a cook, a babysitter. But I'm not just a caretaker, they're literally mine

When you imagine how well you want to take care of inanimate objects you should hopefully be taking more care in how you care for living, breathing, loving ones with eternal souls, right? How many times have I offended my children by taking note of their faults and leaving all their virtues in my pockets? 

I don't want to be that kind of mom. 

I want to be a mom who notices and accentuates their kindness, generosity, and care for each other in the moments little and big. I want to be the mom that is patient and gives them room to be human. 

I notice when I tell my children I love them more often, the more I actually remember to show them I love them through out the day. So my plan is to put a note on the refrigerator that says "Tell them you love them" and every time I read it I will tell whichever one is near how much I love them. No matter what love language you are words of affirmation are always going to be a clear motivator. Let's be mother's that inspire our children to grow up in the way we desire for them with less pruning and more sunshine. 

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